Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
