I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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