I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
