She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
