If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
