I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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