jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
