Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
