OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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