my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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