I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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