Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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