No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize