I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
