nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
