you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
