Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize