i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
