Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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