I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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