This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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