you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
