you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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