Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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