haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize