Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
