i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
