Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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