you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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