do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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