ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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