You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
