I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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