Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
