i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
