who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
