You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
