AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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