so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
