You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was born a porn star she said
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
