dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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