Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
