woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
