i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
