Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
