why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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