I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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