We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
