You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
