Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
