Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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