I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
