what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
