If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize