On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
