I wanna bring you to show and tell
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
