Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize