I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize