so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
