why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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