I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
