I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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