1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
