Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
