we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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